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Many children drop out of competitive sport in their teen years, never to return. On the other hand, teenagers who take up or remain in competitive sport go on to play sport throughout their lives. With a little encouragement and the right words, teenagers can be helped through this dfficult time.
The first step in ensuring your teenager remains in competitive sport is to take the "must win" aspect out of the sport. A very small percentage of sportspeople make it to the elite level where the must win attitude is essential. It is possible to enjoy sport without being the best. Sport should be an avenue for teenagers to have some clean, healthy fun and to learn some life skills, such as teamwork, doing your best and striving to improve.
If the teenager loses don't over-sympathise: a simple "Bad luck." will suffice. Then listen. Encourage them to tell you about the good parts of the game, where they think they went well, where their team mates played well. And ask how they think they could improve. If the teenager has been working on a particular weakness in their game and improved in that aspect, congratulate them. Knowing that their work has led to a positive outcome will give them a reason to stay in the sport, as well as show them that striving to improve is enjoyable.
Also, do not over congratulate a win, the teenager will spot the different reactions very quickly, and come to the conclusion that winning is more important than losing. Just a simple, "Well done." will suffice here. Again, listen and encourage positive summaries, particularly in the opposition's performance. This shows the teenager that you are serious about everybody being able to enjoy competitive sport, even when losing, as well as teach them how to objectively analyse a sportsperson's performance, including their own. But ensure, as much as possible, that the analysis is positive.
The second step is to gently push the teenager in continuing participation, especially in the first six weeks if they haven't been doing a sport for a while or trying a sport for the first time. This often means driving them to the games and training or arranging lifts, preparing their equipment and clothing, and definitely means attending games. After six weeks the teenager should have a habit formed which includes the new activity. Oftentimes, after six weeks, teenagers will arrange their own transport and preparation. Parents must be careful not to overdo the pushing, gauging how far to go of course is never easy.
The final thing to remember with teenagers and sport is that doing your best does not necessarily mean doing the best you have ever done at all times, it also means doing the best you can at the time. The path to personal improvement in all things, not just sport, is more often a case of two steps forward, one step back, very rarely is it a straight run. When teenagers learn this important distinction they are well on the way to leading successful and fulfilling lives.
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