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For many, the addition of a pet to their family brings a love that one holds as close as if the special addition is a child. So, it is not surprising when the death of a pet brings about a great deal of pain. Anytime anyone experiences such a loss they encounter many emotional responses that are part of the natural grieving process. It is normal to be experience grieving, but our society tends to frown on grief at times, as an unnatural process.
Many theories of grief have been devised over the years. Five stages of the grieving process have been identified. Those stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Not everyone passes through these stages in chronological order. Some spend more time with certain stages than others. Denial is a defense mechanism that serves to buffer the shock of your loss. When experiencing anger, it may not seem logical, but it is still there. It may be directed at the illness itself or the driver who may have struck your pet. When experiencing bargaining, you are subconsciously making an attempt to regain control over the situation. You may find yourself trying to make a deal with God in this stage. During depression, you are experiencing the true hurt and pain over your loss. Acceptance is the point where you now feel that you may move on from this experience. It is possible that you will again feel some of these emotions after experiencing the acceptance phase. However, with time, healing will take place. Do not ignore your grief. Attempts at doing so will possibly cause you to experience medical and psychological problems later.
There are some things that you can do to help as you and your family go through this grieving process. When you begin to experience the overwhelming sadness, try to remember some of the good things about your pet. Think about fun times that you experienced together. Talk to others, and share your feelings. Yes, there will be those who may overlook or belittle the special bond that exists between a pet owner and the animal. You may hear suggestions such as it was only a dog, get a new puppy. But, remember, everyone experiences different emotions when it comes to pets. Some are closer to their pets than others. So, they may not understand. Sometimes, it is best to talk with someone who has experienced the same type of loss as you. If you need it, your veterinarian or local humane society can put you in touch with a pet loss counselor or support group for your grief.
In helping your children get through this time, be honest and simple with your explanations. This will better help to address their fears and misperceptions of death. Try not to say that the pet has gone to sleep, or that the animal went away. Be truthful, and explain that death is more than a temporary sleep, that the animal will not wake up. If you tell your child that the animal went away, there may be problems later in which the child is wondering if he or she did something to make the pet go away. If he or she thinks the pet is simply asleep, then when they discover that it will not wake up, you may have problems where the child is frightened to go to sleep theirselves. Try not to criticize the child for his or her grief.
Finally, try to work through your loss before getting a new pet. The children may feel that it is disloyal in trying to replace the pet. If you have other pets in your home, they are getting accustomed to the loss as well. You may experience resentment yourself, unknowingly. This is most frequently found to happen when you get a look-alike pet and are unconsciously comparing the two.
As the old adage goes, time does heal all wounds. Later, you and your family will be able to look back on memories of your beloved pet and experience less sadness, and more joy as you revisit the pleasure the loved one brought to your home.
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